Alert! Defcon One! Maximum Readiness! Attention all citizens: eggs at Aldi have increased in price!
For those who are unaware of what Aldi is, it is a German-based company discount grocery store located in the EU. They are also located in America, primarily on the east coast. The model is pretty great in my opinion. The cashiers have actual chairs. Because who cares if they are sitting or standing? Just check out my food and take my money! As they scan, they put your items right back in the cart. That’s right, no bagging. Then you wheel to a large bar where you can load your groceries in your own bags. Or, use spare boxes that they put out for you (also because they don’t want to break them down).
Make sure you have a quarter, too! For all the carts are chained together. You put a quarter in your cart to unchain it. When you’re done, you connect it back to the chain and get your quarter back.
An aside of a cultural phenomenon of Aldi shoppers: there is a common instance where if you are rolling your cart back when you’re done loading your groceries, and someone wants your cart, they give you a quarter and you give them your cart!
Anyway, some items are a little pricey, such as fresh produce, special imported meats and cheeses; however, most of their other items are cheap. Mainly pantry items. Say crackers, chips, pastas, rice, bread, canned food, etc. Perfect for a man like me, for I love quality products for a good deal.
One food item I do love is eggs. Eggs have become a staple in my diet. Countless ways to make them and incorporate them in other dishes. A dozen eggs at Aldi runs you a grand total of 79¢ each. What a deal! At other grocery stores, you could buy the same eggs for $1.79, maybe even $1.99!
Now, I know what you may be thinking, “Oh come on, Dane, it’s just a dollar extra.” I say to you, my friend: have you even seen just how many eggs I can eat?
Back in undergrad, my roommate and I would go through eggs as if we were rabid dogs! It got to a point where we would drive to Wal-Mart to buy a box of eggs. A BOX of eggs! Wal-Mart sells a box of sixty eggs for $6. Hey, spending $3 and splitting that box with my roommate sounds like a great day to me!
Anyway, to respond to my hypothetical voice of you, the reader, that extra dollar does indeed add up over time! Now here’s why I have become enraged and my wrath is firing out of my fingertips.
I go to Aldi for my first shopping trip after moving into my new place. I know I’m going to grab a few dozen eggs, obviously. Come on, who do you think I am? I put my quarter in the cart and wheel to the back. To my horror, I let out an audible “Noooo!” God, I probably looked deranged to other people in the store. The price sign states: $2.39!
WHAT? NO! I’m close to throwing a temper tantrum as I type, simply by recalling how my heart sank when I first read that price sign.
Why? What is going on? Is it just Aldi? All of America? The world? Have we lost God? Or is he bored and wanted to mess with us? Or mess with me? Am I being targeted by the divine? Is this hell? Well I know for certain it’s not me being paranoid, of course!
Is it inflation? Is it the higher price of gasoline making other products increase in price? Is there a bird-flu going on? Whatever the case may be, eggs have increased in price. After surviving that traumatic event in Aldi, I venture to Kroger. Because I am not going to pay that much for a mere 12 eggs. I get to the egg section there. That’s when I realize the true evil. It isn’t just Aldi. Kroger increased their egg price as well.
Now get this, their price for a dozen eggs is $2.20! Still higher than their usual $1.79, but cheaper than Aldi! Wow. I never thought I would live to see the day that Kroger has cheaper eggs than Aldi!
What is a man like me to do? I calculate my next move. I think, “Well…well…what about Publix?” Then I shudder. Everything at Publix is more expensive across the board. I dare not find out how much a dozen eggs costs there. I let out a sigh and grab two dozen eggs for starters. I continue my shopping trip with a dark cloud over my head.
I felt like I was getting some kind of deal in the past. Pocket change for meals. Now instead of cold coins, I use paper to pay for my eggs. I pray that one day eggs at Aldi return to their price of 79¢. If I am doomed to not enjoy that paradise again, I hope the next generation can. Or the one after. Until then, I eat my eggs without the satisfaction of a good deal in my mind and in my wallet.